His Miraculous and Matchless Power

It is always a risk sharing things that are so personal and close to my heart. I risk the criticism and cynicism of others. The reason I'm willing to take that risk is my hope that it will help someone struggling or suffering, who is seeking help to overcome.
I believe that God allows each of us to struggle with the sort of trial we cannot overcome without Him. It may sound silly to some, but that's the sort of trial this sugar-addiction has been for me. It is real. It is painful. It has kept me from being the person God expects me to become.
This trial has, on more than 1 occasion, dropped me to my knees, in which I have had to humbly seek the miraculous and matchless power of God and Christ. By so doing, I have been blessed to experience their miraculous and matchless power in my life, and their amazing love for me.
About a month ago I felt like I was drowning....again. Drowning in my addiction to sugar. Here's what I wrote in my journal on February 27, 2012:

I have been eating horribly for several weeks. Just before I began today's scripture study, I prayed for the desire to stop eating badly and do better, because I didn't want to give up my yummies.
As I began reading I opened up to Helaman 5, where I thought I'd left off, but my eyes drifted over to Helaman 4:25 (where I'd actually left off the day before). As I read, the words of God spoke loud and clear to me. I wrote the scripture down with personal pronouns to liken it unto myself:
"Therefore the Lord did cease to preserve [me] by his miraculous and matchless power, for [I have] fallen into a state of unbelief...and [I see] that the [hosts of Satan] are exceedingly more numerous than [me], and except I should cleave unto the Lord [my] God I must unavoidable perish.
"For behold [I see] that the strength of the [adversary] is as great [or greater] as [my] strength, even man for man. And thus [have I] fallen into this great transgression; yea thus [have I] become weak, because of my transgression, in the space of not many [days]."(the actual word there is "years.")
Whoa. As I've read these verses in the past, I have thought, "Man, those people were such idiots! How could they go from being so righteous and happy to ruining it all so quickly because of transgression?" But when I turn it around to myself, it isn't a matter of years before I fall into transgression--it's a matter of days; or sometimes it's a matter of moments!
I need to cleave unto the Lord and BELIEVE in His "miraculous and matchless power"! I need to let go of sugar and cleave to the Lord. I will give away all my sins (and addictions) to know Him. I will be such a better person and more profitable servant for doing that!

After writing, I knelt and prayed. Then I wrote again:

I just finished a very fervent, heartfelt, tearful prayer. I repented for being so piggy again. I begged for help. I acknowledged my weakness, but told God I know He has miraculous and matchless power to help me; that together with Him I can overcome Satan and all the temptations he sends. I asked that He help me BELIEVE in His miraculous and matchless power to deliver me; to help me rely on the power of Christ's atonement to change my very nature.
What I need to do: cleave unto Him in daily prayer and scripture study.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13) --even give up sugar!

It's been just over a month since that journal entry. I have not had any processed sugar (I do eat fruit) since that day. I am not going to act like I've got the addiction beat and that I have things all figured out. I've done that too many times.
As I read 3 Nephi 2:11-17, it occurred to me that constant battles keep us steadfast and humble. Because of our difficult situations, we must rely on the Lord for help to conquer our enemy (such as sugar addiction). When the battle seems to be won and we begin to think, "All is well," pride sets in and we do not turn to the Lord as we should. Then we stumble/fall again.
May I remember to always lean on the Lord and study His word daily, so that I am always prepared for battle and don't become prideful, thinking "I've got this."
"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Be of Good Cheer, and Do Not Fear...

"O wretched [woman] that I am! Yeah, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me." (2 Nephi 4:17-18)

That was how I felt for the past few days. Wretched indeed. Last night, however, I was blessed with a very uplifting experience. Here's what I wrote in my journal:

"For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say trample under their feet but I would speak in other words--they set him at naught and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.
"And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men." (1 Nephi 19:7,9)

Tonight as we sat down to read the Book of Mormon as a family, all I could think about was getting done so I could sneak back in the kitchen and scarf another doughnut or two. We began on those verses I just wrote down. They spoke loud and clear to me.
I've been going about the past few days with reckless abandon, eating everything I felt like, times 3 or 4 or 5. Believe me, it wasn't carrots and celery sticks.
But these verses struck me. Have I been trampling the very God of Israel under my feet? Have I set Him at naught and hearkened not to the voice of His counsels? That's exactly what I've done.
Tears ran down my cheeks and dripped onto my chest as I realized that I, being of the world, judged Him to be a thing of naught (through my actions). He was scourged, smitten, spat upon, and He suffered it "because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men."
I thank Him for His loving kindness and long-suffering towards me. So many times I have come back groveling at His feet, begging for forgiveness and help once again to be better. And He is always there with loving kindness and long-suffering.
Just now I was sitting here thinking, "Is it really possible for me to give up sugar?"
As I pondered that question, these words came to mind: "...the power of God unto salvation..."
I looked up that phrase in the topical guide of my scriptures, which led me to Romans 1:16, then to D&C 68:4. But I believe the Lord guided me to that scripture so that I would read verse 6:
"Wherefore be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come."
In this moment, He is speaking to me in that verse. I know it. With Him standing by me, how can I fail? I can't, unless I stop heading His voice.
Molly, please never stop hearkening to the word of the Lord, for it is "the power of God unto salvation." (D&C 68:4)

All Manner of Grain

Well, call me fickle. But I never claimed to be an expert or know-it-all. It's a journey.

Three days of low-carb was just fine, but by day 4--today--I felt starved for grains and fruit. I really couldn't stand it. I think my body NEEDED grains and fruit, because I was just fine for a few days. Then all of a sudden, all I wanted was an apple and the whole grain corn bread I made last night.

So I had some. Then I ate Tessy's leftover chili (which I made last night). Then I had a whole wheat slice of bread. It felt like water to a parched throat.

Then I got online and read about grains at grainmix.com (I have a wonderful recipe/information book from Grainmix that I love called "Cookies for Dinner"). I immediately placed an order for 2 bags of 5-grain mix (barley, brown rice, rye, millet and oat groats). I felt ravenous for whole grains, so I picked the two bags up in Orem this afternoon, followed by a trip to the bulk section of the health-food store. There I bought amaranth, spelt, quinoa, and a few other grains/seeds.

I came home, added the amaranth, spelt, and quinoa to my 5-grain mix, making it an 8-grain mix, then ground some of that with wheat to make the Chia Flax Bread on Grainmix.com. It just came out of the oven and is Oh-so-good! It's very moist and satisfying. My family loves it!

I made turkey sandwiches on that bread tonight. We ate them with apple slices. I feel so satisfied and well-fed tonight.

I think tomorrow for breakfast I will make a hot cereal with the 8-grain mix and eat it with blueberries. I also want to make some 9-grain tortillas. Yum.

We need balance. Extremes aren't good. Chalk it up to another learning experience.

I did resist sugar tonight. During an hour and a half meeting I attended there was a bowl of girl-scout cookies an arm's reach away--two of my favorite kinds! They were calling my name the whole time, and I did consider eating a couple. I'm so glad I didn't. None is better than some. I kept thinking about my wonderful grains and honey. So much better for me. They make my body happy.

Cutting Carbs

Last week was rough. Each morning I told myself I would be really good, stay away from sugar, and eat healthy. By evening I had fudged, giving in to the cravings. Every evening I told myself, "Okay, tomorrow's a new day with no mistakes in it. I'll do better tomorrow." I'd exercise, feel great, start off well, and then crash again!!

I wasn't sure what to do with myself! Here I am spouting off inspirational epistles, and certainly not walking the talk! I didn't write about it, because frankly, I was discouraged, uninspired, and feeling hypocritical.

Then my cute sister-in-law Susy came along with a bit of inspiration (sometimes the Lord saves us through other people!). Her fitness guru friend, Sherry Fernandez, had suggested to Susy that she cut carbs out for 2 weeks and see what happens. By carbs, I mean grains, sugars, starches, fruits. Basically focus on protein and veggies. I wasn't sure if I could do that. I was VERY addicted to my carbs! But Susy inspired me and I decided to jump on the bandwagon with her.

I started on Saturday and have already dropped 7.5 pounds (in 2 days)!! The best part is I feel fully satisfied on 3 meals a day and never hungry! I'm still exercising daily and I feel great! The other best part is I don't crave sugar! Or any carbs for that matter--Hallelujah!

Here are some delicious things I've eaten so far:

• egg omelet full of veggies, topped with avocado (Maho makes the BEST omelets!)
• Fajitas at Chili's--I got the trio with beef, shrimp and chicken. I ate it with guac and pico de gallo, nixed the tortillas, beans and rice. Heavenly. Yum.
• Baked Salmon with spinach salad--for the salad toss together spinach, mushrooms, green onions. Dressing: 2 T red wine vinegar, 2 T soy sauce or Bragg's, 2 T olive oil, 3 packets Stevia.
• Tuna mixed with mayo and shredded carrots over a bed of greens.
• Maho made me chicken and shrimp fajitas today for lunch and I made a pico de gallo with avocado in it to go with. Better than Chili's!!
• Limeade: squeeze 1/2 a lime into a tall glass, add 3 packets Stevia, cold water and ice.
• Fresh veggies with zucchini hummus

Does it look like I'm suffering?! Not a bit! I don't know that this is healthy to do long-term, because we need grains. And I LOVE fruit. And so much meat is probably wrong. But I really feel like this is helping break the sugar addiction. And I'm getting back down to where I was before I inhaled a truck-load of carbs. Yay.

Here are some meals I have planned:

• Roasted chicken with steamed broccoli
• Tilapia with steamed asparagus
• Beef Roast with roasted veggies (non-starchy ones, of course)
• Soup with leftover beef roast and veggies
• Pulled pork (on rolls for the fam, wrapped in lettuce or cabbage for me)
• Taco salad (nix the chips)
• Portobello Alfredo (made with cream cheese and butter) over steamed cauliflower and broccoli

Looks like a lotta good eatin' ahead. :)

Fervent Prayer to Overcome Addiction

I love my quiet time each morning with the Lord. I get up an hour before everyone else each morning so I can have that time to pray, read, write and ponder.

This morning I read Elder Ballard's talk from the last October General Conference. What an incredible talk on overcoming addiction! I've been reading the talks in order, and this is the one I was on. I needed it! If you'd like to read the whole thing, click on the link below.

classic.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-34,00.html

Elder Ballard said that Satan uses addiction to steal away our God-given agency. Elder Ballard then defines addiction: "to surrender to something, thus relinquishing agency and becoming dependent on some life-destroying substance or behavior."

"Lucifer knows our 'hunger' or weaknesses, and tempts us with counterfeit lures which, if taken, can cause us to be yanked from the stream of life into his unmerciful influence."

There is hope.

"Fervent Prayer is key to gaining the spiritual strength to find peace and overcome an addictive craving." Elder Ballard then explains HOW to pray:
1. Thank Him
2. Express sincere faith in Him
3. Ask Him for the strength to overcome
4. Set aside all pride
5. Turn your life and your heart to Him
6. Ask to be filled with the power of Christ's pure love

"You may do this many times, but I testify to you that your body, mind and spirit can be transformed, cleansed, and made whole, and you will be freed." (Italics added)

He didn't just say, "you might be freed." He said "you WILL be freed."

Today was a good day. We had Maho's siblings and their families over for dinner. I made dessert, and somehow they all brought dessert! We had SO MUCH dessert! Moon Pie, german chocolate cake, chocolate chip cookies, and ice cream! But guess what? I didn't have a single taste! I didn't even feel real tempted! It was amazing.

This morning I prayed just exactly how Elder Ballard said we should. Perhaps He is changing me already. I'm sure I will have to pray like that many more times. But He WILL transform my body, mind and spirit! What a relief that will be.

"Lord, save me"

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their ^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27

That's one of my very favorite scriptures. Today I'm really leaning on it, because yesterday I took a humbling tumble.

Just when you think you've got everything under control, just when you're feeling so strong, just when you know you'll never go back to stupid old habits, because why would you?.....

You do. Stupid. That was me yesterday. Yes, I took a pretty severe tumble. What happened? All I wanted was SUGAR. I wanted chocolatey, chewy, ooey-gooey, yummy.... It was all I could think about. I was trying to resist.

I even took Tessy to McDonald's for lunch, ordered myself a grilled chicken salad and water. I didn't even put the dressing on because I read "corn syrup" in the list of ingredients (I went and asked for salsa instead. Guess what? Even their salsa has corn syrup! Why McDonald's??? I really hate that!).

My weakness took over when I asked Tessy if she'd like to go to Walmart and get a treat. All I could think about was their bakery goodies. So off we went. I bought a box of chocolate doughnuts, a piece of chocolate cake, and a package of pumpkin chocolate chunk cookies. I also bought a sack of Roma tomatoes. I had to laugh when we got up to pay and Tessy, in her LOUD voice said, "Wow! We didn't get much healthy stuff!!" The skinny lady in front of me turned and looked as she finished paying and picked up her sack of fruits and veggies. I was embarrassed. But still wanted my fix.

Well, the rest of the day is history. I won't subject you to all the morbid details. My point in sharing this is that we are human. Just because we think we've got something all figured out doesn't mean we won't slip and fall ever again.

It's a good thing that the Savior doesn't have a time limit on His return policy. We can return again and again, over and over, repent and plead with him to exchange our hearts for a new one, a more humble one, a more trusting and diligent one, and stronger one, a more disciplined one, and a changed one. That is what He does for us. His love and grace do not expire. There's no "3rd strike and you're out." Satan would have us believe that if we mess up too many times, we don't deserve Christ's love, His understanding or His forgiveness. That's one of his lies.

"And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.

But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was ^aafraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little ^afaith, wherefore didst thou ^bdoubt?" Matthew 14:29-31

Peter was an apostle. He must have been a very faithful, strong capable person. But even he forgot to call upon the Lord in a moment of weakness (lack of faith). However, as soon as he did, Jesus immediately stretched forth his hand and saved Peter from succumbing entirely.

My prayer is that I can have fewer "What the heck..." moments, and a few more "Lord, save me" moments. I believe that He will save us from our weaknesses if we humble ourselves and trust Him to do so.

Sweet Seduction/ Sugar Addiction Video

I found Tricia Greaves several years ago. She has some very sound advice to emotional eaters, which most people are. In this video she talks about sugar and sugar addiction. She knows what she's talking about because she has overcome her own sugar addiction and keeps it at bay daily. She inspires me.

http://www.viddler.com/explore/healyourhunger/videos/5/