That was how I felt for the past few days. Wretched indeed. Last night, however, I was blessed with a very uplifting experience. Here's what I wrote in my journal:
"For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say trample under their feet but I would speak in other words--they set him at naught and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.
"And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men." (1 Nephi 19:7,9)
Tonight as we sat down to read the Book of Mormon as a family, all I could think about was getting done so I could sneak back in the kitchen and scarf another doughnut or two. We began on those verses I just wrote down. They spoke loud and clear to me.
I've been going about the past few days with reckless abandon, eating everything I felt like, times 3 or 4 or 5. Believe me, it wasn't carrots and celery sticks.
But these verses struck me. Have I been trampling the very God of Israel under my feet? Have I set Him at naught and hearkened not to the voice of His counsels? That's exactly what I've done.
Tears ran down my cheeks and dripped onto my chest as I realized that I, being of the world, judged Him to be a thing of naught (through my actions). He was scourged, smitten, spat upon, and He suffered it "because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men."
I thank Him for His loving kindness and long-suffering towards me. So many times I have come back groveling at His feet, begging for forgiveness and help once again to be better. And He is always there with loving kindness and long-suffering.
Just now I was sitting here thinking, "Is it really possible for me to give up sugar?"
As I pondered that question, these words came to mind: "...the power of God unto salvation..."
I looked up that phrase in the topical guide of my scriptures, which led me to Romans 1:16, then to D&C 68:4. But I believe the Lord guided me to that scripture so that I would read verse 6:
"Wherefore be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come."
In this moment, He is speaking to me in that verse. I know it. With Him standing by me, how can I fail? I can't, unless I stop heading His voice.
Molly, please never stop hearkening to the word of the Lord, for it is "the power of God unto salvation." (D&C 68:4)
Molly these are beautiful words, and powerful insight. Thank you for sharing your feelings for I can relate to them. I love you.
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